Sunday, August 10, 2014

Movements built by Mothers

Reflect the magic.
Midwives, called up by moontides,
rush down the street at midnight
to lay hands on your back 
and be there past dawn.

Understand, too, the wickedness.
The betrayal that snuck in around the door,
violent handed lovers, resource scarcity,
the things they did to witches.

A lot of this has always been here.

There's a political side though //
things did get a lot worse when medicine got involved. 

There's a narrative of birthing since the 1900's
that looks like men taking the power out of women's hands
and doing things to their bodies that they believe to be necessary. 

I found a book two poets wrote about birth.
In this book, they keep asking,
is this a feminist issue?
They know that it is.
They know that when it concerns women's bodies,
it becomes about power and control.

I'm reading this book at a conference about ending intimate violence.
Everyone came here to talk about access and healing.
They don't ask, is this a feminist issue?
There are just the other questions, what else is it also?

Our bodies exist in a multiplicity.
Some of us are in more vulnerable places than others.

Is this about power and control?
Violence is structural.

At this conference they asked people to rise
if they had been doing this work for five years, ten years, twenty.
No one stood up after thirty five.
That's the same time people started talking a lot more about birthing at home.
Midwifery doesn't call itself feminist a lot though.

But when you look at what it means
to have people struggling for each other and themselves, in their homes,
trying to find a different way out.
Especially when it's about bodies.
Especially when it's about women's bodies.
It's pretty hard not to see that as a feminist act.

Midwifery is sometimes called the oldest profession.
I wonder how old do we name this work,
those who work to end violence.
We say, people have always given birth,
where do we place the always here?

I feel like I can see the history we carry
in these movements built by mothers.

We talk together
about mitigating the trauma.
Mitigate means to make less painful, less severe.
Like we can.
Like I hope we can.
Mitigate means the least we can do.
It means learning how to carry a story in your bones
in a way that does not make you sick.

There are stories we need to learn to carry in our bones
in ways that do not make us sick.
This a feminist act.
Survival is
a feminist act.

Reclamation and transformation,
your sexuality and their violence,
your body and their legislation,
your birth and their tools.
We will create a better world
in spite of them.

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

IUD

If I'm not bleeding with the moon, what am I bleeding with?
There is a chaos in my womb that does not follow
any cycle I've heard of.
Blood breaks through and stains all my underwear.

On and off for 10 years
hormones interrupting hormones.
Cycles of birth control pills wane
turn new moon empty
and are filled again.
A medicated plastic ring
inserted intravaginally every 4 weeks.
A foreign body tied with fishing wire. 

All this so that I could live the life
my foremothers could not.
Consensual pregnancy, wanted sex,
for this I have subverted tidal cycles.

I started having sex the same year I started teaching sex education. 
remember my first annual at 14, 
laughing with the nurse practitioner,
lying on my back.

It was an unnecessary exam,

studies have shown.
It was an unnecessary exam
but I had no other rituals
with which to mark my transformation.

When I began attending births
and being with those who also attend births, 
they said
why would you want to pour chemicals into your body?

For years (cis) (men) (allies) had talked about the havoc

my choices were wreaking 
on the reproductive systems of fish.
Now these gentle women said,
don't you want to bleed with the moon?
don't you want to be natural?

Ovulate on the full.
Bleed on the new. 


My body has become a disordered system.

If I am a woman who bleeds with the moon
and ovulates once a month, sister,
but I am not bleeding or ovulating now,
am I still a woman then?

( your binary doesn't work for me ) 

If my naturality is fixed to a given hormonal cycle
and I choose to alter or change the inner workings of my body,
am I unnatural then? 


( your constructions don't work for me )

My blood is the blood of unstable earth.

I put in an IUD because it was good sense.

Now, I have reveled in highs and lows.
The rhythmic turnings of an ancient system.
I wrote it all down,
found ritual in diva cups, 
hot water bottles, cramp bark, red raspberry leaf.
I lusted in ovulation
and turned my lovers red tent red.

But both jobs don't pay the rent
and I was just in the middle of doing something,


I, was, I just 

needed something 

else to come between me and my...