two pieces of writing. one is a piece for college on my experiences working with Planned Parenthood analyzed through the lenses of reproductive justice that we have been crafting. the other is a poem written just for me and now shared with you.
I.
The Teen Awareness Group had been active for a year, the sister to an identical organization in a town 50 miles away from ours that had been around for nearly a decade. As a peer-led comprehensive sex education group, TAG facilitated workshops in public schools all over our community and surrounding areas. TAG was coordinated by one person, usually, a job which seemed to have a shelf-life of a year. I think a lot of the positivity and progressiveness that I encountered during my involvement was a direct result of the coordinators. Had the folks running it not had a radical resolve and a compassionate analysis, they very easily could have perpetuated the problematic history associated with reproductive politics. As it was, though that history was apparent at points, TAG managed to be an organization dedicated to giving youth all the information needed to make empowered decisions. However, we often felt the limitations of the social structure we were working in that kept us from progressing with this goal and restricting us to doing the best that we could.
Societal constraints were often felt in the divide between what we wanted to accomplish and what we could. Our desire was to see a world in which everyone was safe and free and able to have the relationships they needed. We strove to understand the differences between peoples' desires and needs without valued judgment or our own moral compasses. We were dedicated to respecting people and encouraging people to respect each other. Above all else, our belief was that people provided with comprehensive information will make the decisions that are best for them. We were operating in schools largely without comprehensive sex education curriculum and often in schools that had instituted abstinence only policies. Yet still, we had to work in this environment. We had to craft workshops that fit with the regulations of the schools and with our beliefs. We had to try and create the capacity for empowered choice in situations that wanted to grant teens only one right, the right to say no.
Reflecting now, I can see the complexities of the politics of choice that we were working with. Pro-choice as defined by the mainstream was not really the framework we worked under. In fact, despite being affiliated with Planned Parenthood, we rarely discussed abortion at all. Afraid that a conversation around abortion would make schools less inclined to allow us into the classroom, we held back. At the time, I remember feeling conflicted, like abortion was being treated like a taboo subject even in the midst of the movement that fought to provide it. Today, I recognize this an act of compromise in an effort to survive and a sacrifice of abortion for the myriad of other issues of sexuality.
TAG's progressive values around choice were internally limited as well. Part of our goal was to prevent unplanned teen pregnancy. However underlying this was a framework of the ideal pregnancy. The vision of ideal pregnancy that a lot of the administration held and which was somewhat reflected in policy was an economically stable person, years past their teens, in a committed relationship. Anything which deviated from this was regarded with a slight sadness and the assumption that this was proof that the system was failing girls. When it came to teen pregnancy, the goal was prevention and if prevention failed, abortion. We were imbued with an understanding of every woman's right to choose, but not an understanding of every woman's right to mother.
II.
When I walk, my earrings shiver
with noises just as grand as my ears require
chiming like three ice cubes in one glass
tinking, like the feather beat of fairy wings
When it's quiet all around, with just one lonesome heart, my own
I have a steady tick tick tick
that marches from my pocket to ear drums
with half second clicks
the paces of my heart
The moments that live in between the other moments
like pathways between close houses
where you forget that silence is a concept, not a fact
and your thoughts bounce loudly around in your head.
Now I share those moments with tiny noises
that no one else can hear unless they know to listen.
And my quiet breath is held
shared by something other than myself.
The days have gotten warm warm warm and I've been preparing during these first days of summer for the rest of my life. I feel like I'm nearly always in a constant state of planning. What's the deal, I ask myself frequently.
